What the
by eemhp31
Summary: Join us for a story of the most bizarre origin and occurrences, a story with no real starting plot line to be honest, there is a constant battle between the Author and the Narrator over what the hell is going on. And unfortunately the characters can only do so much...they're screwed. Be ready for random and crazy, for when this is over, the forth wall will never be the same again.
1. Chapter 1

So unexpected

A cold night, a calm night. A leaf blows in the wind as it goes through the world. It cares not for what is around, only that it is getting a free ride. The people of the land are sleeping on peaceful night.

Well, not all. A group of five move swiftly through the night, disturbing the leaf as they passed it, causing its journey to end. These five men are well armed, lightly armored, and though on horses, are silent as the night around them.

They have a mission to complete and they aim complete it.

Their path is long, but they care not, their target is coming up quickly, they must be ready.

Soon they crest a hill and see their target location, the heavily defended fortress that is Tarnish Cassel, the home of the man they have come to kill.

The five stopped at the top of the hill, and proceed no further.

For in front of them they find an army of naked women all standing in seductive poses… 

***WHAT THE HELL! I did not write that into your script narrator!***

 _*What? I thought it make the story a bit more interesting. I mean come on, this is some boring stuff you're having me read here.*_

 ***I could care less. I hired you to read my damn script, so f****n READ IT!***

 _^sigh^*Alright…so where was I…Oh…yea….*_

The five stopped at the top of the hill, and proceeded no further. They could see the fortress with clarity from there. And they knew they would no longer be able to precede on their horses, all further progress would need to be made on foot if they wished to remain silent and undetected.

They secured their horses back before the crest out of sight of the road, and proceeded towards the fortress before them.

As the five proceed to move through bush so that they may find a way into fortress undetected. They knew there were only a few options, over or under. That was it, and each had its dangers. But those where the options they had, and they would go with.

So they proceeded to move forward.

Until the one in the middle of the group tripped over a hidden door in the ground.

The four others instantly stopped and looked at what they never knew was there before.

The one who tripped, had to flip onto his back to look at it. He then looked at the other five before shrugging, and decided to open it, just to see what it was.

What they found was a smuggler's entrance into the fortress… 

***Really…Are you that determined to deviate from the script?***

 _rubs the back of his head *Well to be honest I thought the given options you had were a bit cliché. I mean sure they could go over all Prince of Persia stile, but doing that seemed a bit…overly difficult. And then going through the sewage…wouldn't they stink up the place and negate stealth?*_

 ***Hm…you got a point, this time. I'll modify the script real quick and let you go with it. But be warned, I'm keeping a close eye on you.***

The smuggler's tunnel was long and dark. None of the five dared to say a word for fear that the sound would travel and draw attention at the location the tunnel let out. They dare not start a fire on one of the many torches they passed. They relied on the sense of touch and smell to tell them what was in front of them. And on their sense of hearing to tell them how much further away there from the exit.

After a great amount of time in the dark the one in front felt the end of tunnel, he tapped it softly, the sound traveled back through the tunnel causing the other four to freeze. But from that tap the man in front could tell it was solid, and no sound would go either way.

He brazed himself up against the end of the tunnel and worked to move the door that should be there. With but half a push, it revealed itself, silent and by barely an inch. But it was enough to fill their tunnel with light, and for the man in front to look out and see their surroundings.

He saw no one, and thus pushed the entrance open wider, still seeing no one. He opened it all the way and exited, on the alert for any one that may come through, observing where they were.

It was one of the fortress's dungeons store houses, the only light came from a single lap in the center. And there was not a soul in sight. This was perfect for them, so the five quickly exited the smuggler's tunnel and sealed the passage up behind them, mentally mapping the location so that they knew how to get back to it for an exit.

With their entrance secured the five returned to their mission, and with barely a shift in the accumulated dust they exited the dungeon and proceeded deeper into the fortress.

They had a long road ahead of them, one they had to go through with not a soul knowing they were there, or even suspecting there were there. The guards were on patrol, and watching for even a whisper of a chance that something was not as it should be. But they caught nothing, the five were experts in stealth and they were past the outskirts of the fortress and soon at the castle at its center and through one of the side entrances before even the creatures of the night could register they were there.

Their target would be in would be in his chambers, sleeping. Or so was the hope.

The found the Lord of the Castle's Chamber's unguarded, and thus stacked up ready to break into the room, kill the lord quickly, and then leave. When all were in position, one with Sword and shield on the right, one with a longsword on the left, two with daggers draw, one on each side watching their backs, and one with a crossbow drawn and a true bow ready on his back, they made their move.

The one with the cross bow kicked the door open and took aim. Only the freeze at the sight before him.

The Lord awake, standing on his bed, having a pillow fight with his wife, and a concubine. 

_blink…blink *Ok, I want to point out that the last line was in the Script.*_

 ***What, I needed something to throw these guys off their game.***

 _*um….okay I'm just going to keep reading…*_

All there was frozen for but a moment, and then movement was quick. And it was not from one of the five, no it was from the concubine. She pulled out a dagger from somewhere in her night close and jumped at the one with the cross bow.

He reacted on instinct and pulled the trigger killing concubine before she hit the floor.

But in that moment of death, The lord had escaped out another door with his wife calling his guards to arm.

The five intruders looked at each other for a second, and as the alarm bells started to ring they gave chase to half-dressed Lord and his wife, still hoping to at least complete their mission.

With the alarm raised, their path began to fill with guards of all shapes and forms. They were forced to cut their way through them all, with quick movements, well placed strikes, or just shear brute force.

In the end they cornered the Lord in his Throne room.

Well it would be more accurate to say they found him in the throne room after they had go up a floor to avoid a rather nasty group of guards and get into the room that let them get into the rafters of said throne room by a rather happy accidental turn with the Lords guards securing the outside and conducting a massive man hunt.

Even still now in the throne room all they expected was the Lord and his wife, instead what they found was the Lord and an unknown man.

What they did not know, nor expect the man their target currently had there, and was speaking too. In a rather hurried format.

They cared little, and aimed to kill the Lord of the castle, as was their mission. And now they had a better chance than before.

And so, poised in the rafters as they were, the one with a longsword ready to block the door, the two with daggers ready to act quick, the one with a sword and shield ready to fight in the thick of it, and the one with a crossbow, and a true bow ready on his back, ready to strike from the hidden places, as well as make up for his slight screw up.

The five watched and waited for the time to move, the one with crossbow aimed at their target. They watched as the Lord and the man argued, they knew not what, they just waited for the man or the lord to make the right move.

Too bad it was not the move they were expecting.

It happened quickly, the man threw his right arm out, magic arching through the air, a Wizard's staff forming in the same hand.

The Magic causing the five to tense, and in doing so cause the over sensitive trigger on the crossbow to act and fire the bolt.

The bolt flew straight and true, aimed for the heart of the Lord. But the staff finished forming, with its powerful gem standing in the way of the bolt and its target. Even with the new obstacle the bolt would not be stopped, it struck the gem, and continued through shattering it, before it embedded itself into the heart of its target, killing him.

The wizard and the five could but blink at the outcome before the raw magic that the gem contained exploded.

If you were to ever ask any who was alive that day, they would say they felt like they were being squeezed in all directions, but also being pulled, falling down yet jumping, seeing all in the universe, yet seeing nothing, hearing the roar of the world but being deaf.

When calm came again, the five were no longer standing in the rafters of the throne room. They found themselves standing on a cliff overlooking a great forest. And in the distance, a purple and black dragon was flying and enjoying a day in the sun.

The five stood there with confusion on their faces.

And for the first time that night one of the five spoke, the same one that tripped on the hidden door, the same one that led the way into the tunnel, the same one that held the cross bow. He spoke and aptly put what humans the world over were now the thinking and or saying. 

"What the…What in the Name of the Divine Just happened?"

 ***WHAT THE HELL!? I go away for ONE FICKEN MINUTE and I find the entire ending of this changed! This was not supposed to be a fanfic! Hell this wasn't supposed to go past a One-shot!***

 _*Well guess what, tough. I agreed to narrate this, and I am not stopping at a One-shot. And besides, you've been trying to get back into Legend of Spyro Fanfiction, now I just forced you.*_

 **^growls^*That you did. Now I have to come up with an entire story where before there was none. Thank you so friken much!***

 _gives a mock salute*Happy to help!*_

 **Hand starts to twitch towards a knife as he forces happy thoughts into his head of what is to come…**

 **-**

 **AN: So yea...that happened. I'll admit this came around because I was trying to write something and the idea jumped into my head and was too incising to ignore. So I decided to go with it, even though I have no clear idea where this is going, or what the hell is happening until it happens. I'll let you know know that everything above "AN" from here out in this story will be in terms of the story, the Author-Narrator notes won't betray stuff related to back ground just be a part of the story over all...and trust me, I already am starting to have ideas to use that and mess with so many characters. The fourth wall will never be the same.  
**

 **In all honesty I hope you enjoy what ever comes. So until I post again, happy reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

_*Finally got around to getting someing done? I've been waiting ages!*_

 ***That's your own damn fault. Do you know how hard it is to come up with an actual storyline for something you did not intend to create.**

 _*That sounds like an oxymoron. And also to that point, have you figured out the plotline?*_

 ***Just read the damn thing, and let me figure out the rest.***

 _*Right...just read...let's go with that...and Start with this: The owners of Spyro, any version (may Skylanders burn in hell) is not the creater of this story. And all that disclaimer stuff.*/Ii_

So...huh?

"Where are we?"

"Don't look at me, I don't even recognize the trees."

"Sir, permission to Kill Sword and then proceed to feed Map with local plants until he throws up where we are."

"Denied Dragon. And on similar note. Any clue why I'm seeing two -beep- flying around?"

"I refer to what I said Earlier, What happened? And Dragon Why would you kill the only one who knows how to hunt with long range weaponry?"

"Shut up Sword before I get one of Archer's poisoned daggers and stab you with it."

"I would like to keep my daggers thank you, especially since WE HAVE NO CLUE WHERE WE ARE!"

"I'm fairly certain we are on the edge of a cliff overlooking a large forest with just as many trees behind us and two -beep- playing tag in the air in front of us. I'm more worried about why I can't say -beep-, than where we are."

"Really? You're worried about why you can say a single word? -beep- Sir, you got low priorities."

"I can understand his point of view Map, it's odd (you just did it for a different word). Though...What feels even weirder is that I feel like something is breathing down my neck…"

" _ **mAyBe bEcAuSe tHeRe iS**_."

And in that moment, all conversation stopped. That voice was definitely NOT human. Five humans, eyes wide, and bodies frozen looked behind them.

What they saw…

 _*You really have no clue how to describe the orcs do you?*_

 **Glaring at Narrator**

...was about as human as the voice it projected, read NOT. It was almost a skeleton in shape, but it had some meat on it. One could almost say it looked more like earth made living.

There was also more than one.

There seemed to be more than ten...fifty...huh…

"Sir, lost count at 54…"

"I'm surprised you could count even that high."

"I think he was speaking for all of us Sir."

"Oh...ideas?"

" _**yOu dIE! wE eAt!**_."

"-beep- it, the cliff it is."

As one, the humans jumped off the cliff.

* * *

"Damn it Spyro Get back here!"

A Laugh, "Not a Chance!"

The joys of youth are many, but for these two feeling for the first time, the first Real Time, it was best time of their lives. The world no longer rested on their shoulders, almost literally in a few instances. For the two teenaged dragons it was part of the childhood they should have had, with the added joy of no adults to stop them, or the ideas they came up with.

Easily able to live off the land, and fly wherever they felt like, do pretty much whatever they felt like. It it was practically paradise to them. Heck, to them they almost thought it WAS the afterlife. The main items pointing out otherwise was the lack of other loved ones, and they still had needs and pains. Or is that Pains and Needs?

But like all good things, and really things in general, it had to come to an end.

That end came in the form of a NOT girly screaming intermixed by odd sounds and finally the actually familiar sound of crossbows...and maybe a few orcs screaming as well.

Those sounds caused the Female of the two to slam on the brakes, and thus causing the Male to slam into her from behind thanks to a complicated maneuver at the wrong time.

* * *

 _twang…..twing…..twang…_

"Alright Sword, you can stop shooting them."

 _Twing….twang…..twing…..twangtwing…..twinwhwhwhwhwhwhwh….._

"I can't tell if that was him trying to make music or still trying to shoot those...things."

"I think it was a combo. By the way, what were the chances of this happening?"

"Which part? The army on the edge of the cliff or the giant amount of tree vines, spider silk, and -beep- (OH COME ON!) feces to catch us at the bottom of said cliff?"

 _Twong, twing, twannnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg…...twotwitwang toing._

"Any clue on how he is even doing that, I can't see him past Archer's cloak."

"No clue, I got spider -beep- covering half my face. And no I am not changing my language so that we can stop getting words replaced with that -beep- sound! Where is it even -beep- coming from anyways!?"

 _*Huh...where is that sound coming from. The only actual beep in the script was the first three, after that every time a cuss word comes up with them it happens*looks at the Author_

 ***I thought it was you***

 _ **both look at each other, then shrug and continue on**_

 _TWING! SHERICT_ "Ye-OH-BEEP-!" _tftftftftftftftftftftftftft_

"Guys, I think he just cut the vines…"

"Oh beep."

* * *

Extracting themselves from their pile of limbs, the two teenagers found themselves caught comfortably a nest of vines.

Spyro was the first to brave trying to move very far. In doing so he found the footing of the whole area to be a bit finicky but it was alright if he did not move too fast.

As he worked to find a way out of the nest he looked to his partner, "So what was with the sudden stop?"

The Black Dragoness half glared at her partner before sighing and worked on getting out as well. Once starting then she responded, "You didn't hear it? That scream and odd sounds?"

"No I heard it. I guess that makes since."

Finding the way out of the nest was actually harder they either one of them would have thought. But since they did not have anything to really talk about they figured a way out quickly enough.

Spyro set it on fire.

Well more accurately he set a specific section on fire very quickly then put it out before it spread.

On the ground Cynder looked back up at the pod of Vines they had just left and applied paw to face, "I can't believe we forgot to try to put out that fire with your ice."

Spyro shrugged, "There was a battle going on, it was already a long day and had turned even longer. I more amazed we even had enough Magic left when we faced the Golem."

Cynder bobbed her head left and right as both of them started to walk in the direction of the cliff, where they were pretty sure the sounds that caused them to crash had originated. "I sort of agree, but the crystals really helped."

Spyro gave a shuddering sigh, "Don't say that near Volteer, He'll give you a giant lecture on the downsides of overdoing it with crystals and how 'Crystals are a poor substitute for actual rest'"

The female giggled lightly, "Really?"

Now it was Spyro's turn to bob his head, "Not in those exact words, but more or less. It actually made me scared to touch a crystal for a bit there."

"Hm, The Great Purple Dragon scared of something? For shame."

"Hey, I got scared all the time, it just usually got overridden with adrenaline and the will to survive...and protect."

The last bit was bit was spoken a bit softly, but Cynder still heard it and could not help the small smile that formed on her face. Or the minor blush that entered into her cheeks, though she did not notice that, Spyro did and did a much better job at hiding his small smile underneath the one he already had on.

* * *

"Oh well this is just great!"

"Dragon I swear in the name of all that is holy, if you don't stop complaining I'm going to throw up back up that cliff, let those things kill you then get a necromancer to resurrect you just so I could could kill you myself."

"Don't you think that is a bit harsh Sir? We are covered in...dung"

"No Archer it is not! The Manure is irrelevant, it's the constant complaining."

"So this is how I'm thanked for getting us out of that mess."

"To be fair Sword, it was kind of your fault that we are in this...this to begin with."

"I do want to point out that the whole mission going belly up was not Sword's fault...and we aren't entirely sure…"

"Archer...please stop...you're not helping him. There has never been a case of a charge Magical gem being shattered while being used...something weird was bound to happen."

"While I don't mind you deciding my guilt to much, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CUT MY LEG FREE OF THIS VINE! I'm getting a headache hanging here!"

The one constantly being called Sir, groaned, stood up from the pile of...stuff on the ground and swung his Longsword in a wide arch. This promptly caused Sword to crash into the ground.

"By The Divine. That hurt!"

"You said you wanted down."

Continuing to silently grumble, Sword slowly got off the ground and proceeded to brush himself off, much like the rest of his fellows.

Once they had somewhat wiped themselves off and all of their equipment was declared good again, the Longsword wielder spoke again, "Well how about we figure out where we go from here."

And with the universe deciding that these five humans where it's plaything, it decided for them.

"Hello, Who are you five?"

The five humans again froze, and turned to look behind them to see who had spoken.

"Um...Map, did a Dragon Teen just talk? In perfectly understandable Common Tongue?"

"Y-Yes. It seems like one did indeed talk Sir."

"Right...I'm done." And the Leader of the Five humans promptly passed out, thankfully they had moved away from the pile resultant of defecation so he fell on good safe dirt.

Both of the dragons looked a little concerned, as well as confused. The Black one was the first to ask the question on their minds though, "Is he alright?"

The Four remaining humans looked at each other, then Archer shrugged and looked back at the two dragons. "He probably just passed out. It's been a long day, and a lot of weird things keep happening."

The Purple One moved a little out of the bend in what was apparently a small path through the woods from which the two had originally come from. "How is us talking the oddest thing you've seen all day?"

"It's not...well oddest thing period, but it was just a bit too much."

"Ah."

And thus came the part of the encounter that was probably the most awkward, neither side knew what to say, do or really what was going on.

* _Yea, you're drawing a blank aren't you?*_

 **scratches the back of his head *Yea...kind of.***

 _*Have you at least figured out the Why/How of this story?*_

 ***Yes, and even a bit of when.***

 _*Good, then here is a "bit cliche item"...The Convenient Explanation...or explainer in this regards.*_

 ***Wait, What?***

With the conversation going nowhere, both sides were bit relieved when they suddenly heard the orcs that had been on the top of the cliff give a cry from on top of said cliff, then the sound of an explosion. All on the ground, those conscious anyways, looked up after the explosion.

They did not expect to see part of the cliff to suddenly come falling down on top them, all in the form of loose dirt, nothing bigger than a small rock.

Not long after getting covered in the dust cloud however something smashed into the ground between where the two groups were standing releasing a massive pressure wave with it.

As soon as the pressure wave and dispersed the dust, all were able to see a small crater. And inside that crater: A Dragon with odd wings, some sort of leather armor, a few packs on his sides and imprinted into the ground; as well as a Human wearing heavy Chainmail, a shortsword on the hip, a hunting bow with a half full quiver on the back and straddling, more spread eagle, on the dragon's back.

"Fuck…That hurt." The human's voice, was definitely pained filled and was actually rather high.

"Hell, Speak for yourself why don't you, at least you weren't the one who actually hit the damn ground….fucking twice...at diving speeds...shit, I think something broke." The Dragon's voice sounded like he was in just as much pain and was decently deep.

Those not in the crater all said the same thing at the same time, "Huh?"

Then what five specific words were registered,"Wait, they just said -beep-, -beep-, -beep-, -beep-, and -beep-. OH THIS IS -BEEP- -BEEP- -BEEP-."

 ***You...you….Is that Dragon…?***

 _*Yup, now you can develop characters, and have someone to explain shit. Though I don't quite know where the human came from, It was not in my initial idea…*_

 ***I'm...strangely Okay with this…***

* * *

 **AN: When I started to type, I did not actually plan for it to be this, again. I was trying to work on TDJD, and I kind of did. Not by much unfortunately. I got a little in, then my mind wandered, and brought this story up. I wanted to have fun with a bit of typing, and this was the story that brought it out. And I still haven't figured out an over arching story line yet...I think this one is going to be type and see what happens story...**

 **When I started it, I really did not mean to have it a Fanfic, then my mind ran with it and when I decided it was not going to be a Oneshot, My mind took it, jumped into a Rocket, and Took Off with it. I've been fascinated by several stories that broke the Fourth wall, but I've never really been able to do a story that had something to do just that. And that is why I have shot it down yet. I've tapped it sure, but not broke.**

 **Some good Fourth Wall Breaks would be George of the Jungle (1 and 2, the live action), Call of Duty Zombies (Tank Dempsey specifically and his yelling at the player), and of course you got Deadpool (one of his major things was the absolute DESTRUCTION of the fourth wall). There's more, but those are the main ones I can think of. And the breaking in the George of the Jungle is about where I am trying to go, narrator interacting verbally (and physically in one instance) with characters. It won't start off that way, and I'll mostly be trying to make it subtle...at least in the some places.**

 **I'll be honest, the first beep was because I couldn't easily come up with a disparaging term for Teenage Dragons and then it just evolved into a Joke (one that might take a bit to get old). And yes, the innuendos were meant to be there…**

 **I don't know when the next one for this to come out, but rest assured it is on my mind. Speaking of such, Much like my other TLOS story I am open to OCs. Fair warning: They will be messed with and there is a likelihood of something random happening or them quickly dying, sometimes with the only reason being because I felt like it...sorry. Submit at your own peril.**

 **Until then, Happy Reading!**


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